Death, Downton Abbey and the dole

Over the last few years, hackers have attacked electronic road signs and replaced the traffic warning message with a Zombie warning message. The latest incident occurred in Portland, Maine, USA, earlier this month.

If something like that were to happen here in Ireland  – in fact, if it was actually a real warning – I suspect  people wouldn’t be that fazed and would go about their business as usual: drinking, moaning and watching Downton Abbey.

The Irish have more pressing matters on their minds than to worry about the slight danger of their brains being eaten. In fact, some would welcome immediate brain consumption. And some doubtless wouldn’t even notice it – like television licence inspectors, for instance.

Personally, I’m quite relaxed about being dead, these days. I don’t really let it interfere with my daily life.

There was a time when I would have expected to pop out for a bottle of milk only to be greeted by a friendly “good morning”, swiftly followed by a neighbourly shot to the head. But now nobody seems that much bothered by the fact that I’m dead and that I’m supposed to have a voracious appetite for grey matter (preferably with wholegrain mustard, thank you.) I’m just another freak on the streets of Dublin.

I suppose it helps that it’s coming up to Halloween. Maybe onlookers think I am getting into the spirit of the thing early, or something. More likely, people are so fearful and preoccupied by other worries – loss of home, loss of job, the upcoming budget etc. – that a decomposing Zombie doesn’t seem that scary anymore.

That said, I regret that my status has somewhat diminished, in light of such public acceptance of Zombies. I haven’t felt so disenfranchised since I was turned down for the dole.

“But you’re a Zombie!” said the rather shocked assistant behind the counter as she held up a crucifix (she had me down as a vampire – typical Social Welfare error.)

“I’m not working,” I replied, “Surely I can therefore make a claim for unemployment assistance?”

“If we gave it to one, they’d be all looking for it. And with Zombies, there’s no telling when – or if – they’ll ever get a job. And then there’s the problem that they live forever…I mean, what a cost that would be to the state.”

“But what am I to do?”

“Have you considered doing an internship?”